Let's Be More Than This

Havent posted anything here in a while.

but just a quick update....

I FREAKING PASSED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So imma be a Fine Arts student this June! im going to feel so old there haha pero kebs! ill be studying art EVERYDAY! FUN! FUN FUN!

and with that, im leaving my job! heehee!!!! =) =) =) =) effective May 16. coz i still have a mall event on the 15th. (plug: Drop by MOA on the 15th, arnd 3pm if you're a fan of Gerald Anderson! haha)

so there, big changes in the following months. hafta find a new job though. basta art related. I will live and breath ART! =)

soooo.......what's been happening in YOUR life lately???

ok it doesnt look that red here pero basta, when you see me, you'll see how red it is. il probably use that all the time!!!

AND! if you've seen my paintings before or have been to my room, this shot will look familiar haha =)

no matter what frame she has.

and I miss her hot pink hair days =)

i think ill make her my inspiration for this weight loss thing.

I actually miss going out and jogging with the dogs. =O hahaha

I added him back on FB.

I'm okay now. Seriously.

Im not mad at him anymore. No more hate.

Just pure love!!!!!

im NOT in love with him.

I just LOVE him greatly as a person! =) =) =)

he tried adding me back on Facebook. =S

please let me move on naman. you're there, enjoying your time with your girlfriend, while im here, SORT OF STILL stuck and no guy asking me out (or at least not my type =( )

I love you still. but im not in love with you anymore. I love you dearly as a friend. I will support you in following your passion. I will tell you when I think you're doing something destructive to yourself or others. I will make you kulit to have your lungs checked out. I will care what happens to your job. I will keep caring for your dog too. I will even help you when you need advice or just someone to talk to about your relationship with your girlfriend because I want you to be happy (even if it involves your girlfriend).

pero sana maintindihan mo na hindi ko pa kayang makita kayong magkasama. kissing, hugging, and being happy together. because I'm still stuck with the thought that that should've been me and I still feel robbed of the opportunity to be happy with you.

I finally deleted him on facebook. so i wouldnt see his pictures with his girlfriend and all those other infuriating things anymore. I also deleted our pictures in my HD. something I shouldve done some time ago maybe.

so it is true then. those stages of a breakup: denial, anger, forgiveness. something like that.

im at the 2nd stage. I'm only realizing now and really feeling how hurtful it was and that he handled it bad, he handled breaking me in a wrong way. he knew I was the "child" in the situation and he crushed me like he didnt care at all.

at first i wasnt mad at him. I even thought it wasnt his fault coz he didnt know that later on he would realize that im not what he wanted. although i did point out to him that he was wrong in proposing early. but still, i wasnt mad. and I still wanted to be friends. but that's not working out. i cant be friends with him yet since im not over the whole thing. i still think about it and the could-have-beens, but I AM better than how I was when it was still fresh.

I hope the 3rd stage comes soon. all this shit will be through, ill completely be over and healed from this. then MAYBE, we can be friends again. he was a fun friend to have.


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I dont regret it still. I learned a whole lot from this. This isnt the lowest of the low in my life. but it is the most lost that ive been i think. it was my first time to fall in love and love and to be broken up so i had no idea how to deal with it. so it made me turn to God more than ever. and I'm happy about that.

Jose was my happy pill. complete euphoria. a drug. and exactly like an addict, if you take away their drug, he just goes nuts, downward spiral. Thankfully, while all of this was going on, Kimi, my Christian officemate, invited me to their Thursday Night Devotions. just the parties and fellowship nights coz i wasnt ready for the sharing and all that. but I saw that they were a bunch of happy people and I admire them for their devotion, admiration and love for God.

so i figured, maybe i should follow them and be happy too. i had nothing to lose anyway. and so far, its working. I have never prayed seriously in my life, but I just gave a plea for help coz i didnt know what else to do. and I was surprised that praying actually does work. it makes me feel better to talk to someone who can make anything happen.

My point is, im glad i got some good out of this whole thing. I learned im actually supposed to follow the dating rules. haha and i learned to turn to God more often coz really, who else got the biggest guns to turn things for the better?

follow him on Twitter! RevRunWisdom

"Neva regret NUTHIN that once made u happy..4give,,move on!"

"not until u let go of ur hurting past will ur new life begin...real talk"

"Rule of Thumb:: Dont cry over anyone who wont cry over you..."

"u deserve 2 be with sum1 who'll make u happy, sum1 who wont complicate life, sum1 who wont hurt u (quotes)"

"Don't waste your life chasing a person who wasn't intended to be apart of yours -(J.Bryant)"

"fightin in a relationship is healthy.. These r clearly ppl who really care 4 each otha & want 2 help fix each otha"

"Dont rush in2 relationship.. wrk on urself, love urself, feel gud about u,, then u'll attract that special other"

"MAKE SURE! u let go of selfish HURTFUL ppl FULLY! Its hard when ur mind has let go but ur heart is still holding on. real tlk"

"if u feel small & insignificant in this world, its becuz ur facin it alone! Pray! (who u wit?)"

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my question is...how do you actually let go?

He went online and started chatting with me. I kind of got annoyed. he asked how I was. pssshhhh we didnt chat much coz he was doing skype with his brother. but I wasnt saying much either.

he just made kwento about doing a collab with a vocalist friend of his. I cant remember what I made kwento about. basta i tried being friendly and civil. after a while I said goodbye and logged off.

that's what I was scared of, that the friendship would suffer. but this is better i guess. i dont want to be sad about the whole thing anymore.

ive checked his facebook maybe twice again, but I just got pissed and jealous. so now its time to stop being a masochist. im not going to delete him, but im not in the mood to get high-blood anymore so i wont be visiting his page anymore.

getting better =)

Got this from a cosmo article online titled "So... You've Been Replaced"

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Moving on is always easier said than done. After the first and most debilitating breakup I went through, I remember asking one of my friends why it's so hard to just cut loose and get over someone. "When you're in a relationship, you invest a certain amount of yourself in the other person. Let's say you initially give him 50% of yourself. The longer you're together, the more that figure grows. If you end up investing 70% of yourself in him, and he breaks up with you, then you'll have to find a way to get that 70% back without him," she said. It makes a lot of sense when you think about it.

Regaining the part of yourself that you've wholeheartedly given to someone else is already difficult, but the fact that you've been changed by the whole experience of falling in love makes it even trickier. What new, hybrid personality of yours will fill the void left by the part of you that you've given up to an ex?

Throughout the time I spent getting over an ex, I've noticed many different sides of me come through--sides that I never even knew existed. Perhaps the biggest surprise that caught me off-guard is the fact that I can hate someone I've never even met. I've always been easygoing and I'm proud of how well I can relate with other people, but I hated the new girlfriend. The way she dressed, her dumb, valley girl-sounding accent, how hard she tried to befriend our common friends, all made it easy for me to nitpick and be angry.

And, it was anger of the most volatile kind. I found myself bad-mouthing her to close friends, laughing at her little failures that I'd hear about, and criticizing body parts I knew I had the upper hand in (like how she had small boobs and eyelids that covered half her face). Although it didn't last long, I know my actions were immature. It still makes me feel bad when I think about it, but I can honestly say that it has truly helped me move on.

Now, everything's back to normal. My ex broke up with the girl I hated and has been in a relationship with a new girl (whom I don't hate) for the past two years. The feeling of being slighted has long been gone, and I probably have to thank the girl who came after me for it. Hating her helped me come to terms with the fact that my ex has already moved on, and I have to do so as well. On top of that, I lost a lot of weight in an attempt to prove that I can be better than her, which did help a lot in the long run.

I don't mean to justify my actions, but I'd like to think that it's normal (and, at some point, okay) to not like the new girlfriend. It's normal to feel betrayed, jealous, hurt, angry, or all of the above because of her, even if you don't know what kind of person she is, because it is but one pit stop on the road to recovery. Unless the new girl did something unforgivable (like steal him away from you), then the anger will subside.

You'll know you're better once that moment of resignation hits you, and you can be genuinely happy for the person you once loved--even if he found his happiness with someone else. When it happens, you'll realize that your new, hybrid personality is a stronger version of the old you that's better and more mature--equipped to handle heartbreak.

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ouch

My dear apo, Tin, wrote this entry 3 years ago. so much wisdom for her young age! haha (Tin is my apo in the office family, fyi)

She sent this to me coz I needed the message especially now. Naiyak pa ko sa office haha kadiri

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Dec. 31, 2007

We were visited by the Santos' in Baguio. Tito Robbie is a Pastor in our church and he made us watch a video about how amazing God really is.

The video started explaining the galaxies, how tiny the earth really is, how huge the stars are and how tiny we are in our planet. I couldn't even absorb the millions, trillions and quadrillions that the speaker was saying!

Have you ever tried understanding how awesome your Maker is?

Tonight changed my life.

I will never forget what I learned about one of the protein cell in our body.

I know I have learned biology, but I wished I knew more about this protein cell:
LAMININ. Google it up and you will get many definitions about it.

In layman's terms, it means that IT HOLDS OUR BODY TOGETHER. It prevents our body from falling apart.

The picture below is what the laminin looks like.

























Ever wonder where God is at times? When there are times when you feel like you want to end your life, or when you want to give up because you are in rock bottom?

There are many many many times when I would often question where God is... But I realized that HE HAS NEVER LEFT ME. The fact that he created that protein in our system reminded me that HE IS THE GOD WHO HOLDS ME in times of trouble, trial, ordeal, or suffering.

My God is AWESOME and AMAZING.

The same God who created the universe and everything else in it is the same God who will HOLD me and HELP me get through times of trouble. He won't take away the pain (just like what He did with His Son Jesus), but He will give me the strength and the hope that I need to get through ANYTHING.

THANK YOU LORD for reminding me that when everything else fades, and when everyone leaves me, You will still be here. You will always be my BIG DADDY :) I love you.

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